Minutes of the June 2001 meeting

by Ken Rice

Okay, it's really not my fault this time. Dave Henderson didn't send me enough annoying reminders, so I procrastinated longer than usual. I finally had to take responsibility for my own actions and write the minutes up on my own. I feel so mature and adult-like. I hope it passes. Anyway, here's what happened at the June Meeting of the Violet Crown Sports Association, as best I can recall:

7:07 Jonathan has apparently decided that 7:07 will be the official start time as this is the second month in a row it's happened. This follows the tradition of starting the DDDDR (Dave's something something something Ride) from Freewheeling on Sunday at some undisclosed period of time after the announced 8:00 start. I'm not complaining, as I'm a serial procrastinator. Jonathan, in an effort to further confuse the confused, starts the meeting at the wrong end of the room. I think this is because Jonathan thought that people couldn't tell that he wasn't actually a projection on the big screen TV.

7:08 Greg Hall waits until Jonathan has finished saying "Well, Let's get starte-oooph..." before he broadsides him off center stage. Greg seems excited about winning some little local race. Let's see if I can find where I wrote it down... oh, yeah, here it is. He's the State Criterium Champion. I think John Schreffler and David Orr helped by buying Guinness after the Tuesday night hill climbs.

7:12 Jonathan manages to distract Greg by hypnotizing him with his medal. (Actually, I think Greg hypnotized himself, but it still worked.) He announces that the Tuesday night crits are over, which is news to me. That explains why I did so well last week. I did think the field was kinda small.

7:13 Lee Rusk, looking blonder than usual (or ever), says we still have juniors. The little buggers are trying to grow up, but he's keeping them reigned in. (I'm a natural blonde, by the way. That's why I'm ditzy and can't find my way around the block without getting lost.)

7:14 Edward Tasch mentions the Luckenbach ride and gives directions. Once again, he's giving away free Trek 5900 bicycles to the first 30 people who show up. These were left over from the party at his house before the Ride For The Roses. Of course the Luckenbach ride was almost 2 weeks ago, so once again I hope some people made it to get those great door prizes. Edward really knows how to throw a party.

7:18 Jonathan brings up the issue of clothing. Some artwork was left off as evidenced by the .2 square inch area just under the left armpit which was left blank. I didn't realize until recently that this is the most valuable advertising area as it's visible in all the pictures when the winner streaks across the finish line with his arms thrust high in the air. Greg Hall's winning photos will only sell armpit hair, which is fine if we're getting sponsorship dollars for it. Sounds like Greg owes us some money. The club is also going to get a permit for Women's Development, which receives a standing ovation from the male members of the club.

7:24 Dave Henderson, frustrated by the fact that people keep running into him, decides to have a clinic to teach people how to only turn their bikes when they WANT to, and how to continue in a straight line otherwise. A lot of people nod at the novelty of this. I think it's going to be a big hit. (Pun)

7:26 Jonathan, again feeling self-conscious at having lost his copy of the membership directory, asks people who they are and what in God's name are they doing eating his pizza. Since I don't have my copy of the membership directory either, and I probably misspelled the names in my notes, I won't try to decipher what actually was said. (Who the heck is 'Slum' and what's his association with 'Greg Hurl'? My handwriting sucks.)

7:32 Jonathan, in a rare moment of generosity, offer the use of a Junior's house and television to watch the Tour De France. His parents are gonna be thrilled when we show up.

7:33 Greg Hall, now wearing his medal, and with tears streaming down his cheeks, again mentions his race win, and the fact that David Orr discovered that you don't have to actually win a prime, you can just steal wheels from someone in Houston. Racing can be profitable. I'm not sure if Greg was bragging about how easy it was to steal wheels from Houstonians, or was wondering if anyone knew how to get them back to the foreigner. (Ha! Yeah right.)

7:34 Missy Burk, now fully into her role as Treasurer and wanting to generate money any way she can, mentions finding venues for money generating criteriums. Greg mentions that more criteriums will mean more out of town racers, i.e. more wheels for David. (I think Greg was also fantasizing about winning a championship every week. He was looking a little glassy eyed by then.) Jonathan suddenly realized that Greg is still in a hypnotic state and told him to go lie down in the corner like a good dog. (It was a little embarrassing when he started licking himself.)

7:38 Teresa Ritter, who is now obligated to membership because her name's in print, says the Danskin needs help. Most people think she say's "Dan's kin need help", and since Dan Connelly's in California, didn't want to be bothered with his family. She also offers to help Missy generate insane amounts of money, David to get more wheels, and Greg to stop licking himself by looking for empty parking lots. We need more members like her.

7:39 Before Jonathan can regain control of the meeting, someone motions to adjourn, then everyone leaves like trees. (Makes like a tree and leaves? Whatever.)

Once again, I have fully and accurately documented the happenings and occurrences of the meeting as well as my notes and memory permit. I'm glad this isn't a real job .